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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24094624">a never ending dream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmachineran/pseuds/warmachineran'>warmachineran</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TWICE (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/F, Japanese Mythology &amp; Folklore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:01:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24094624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmachineran/pseuds/warmachineran</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Every beginning she had known, the river god was there; in her earliest memory as a child, in her first memory as a spirit. In the ending Sana has experienced, Momo was there as well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a never ending dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In ages past, human sacrifices were common — people asking for a bountiful harvest or people appeasing an angry god — whatever the reason was, the sacrifices were all children which, honestly, were 98% young girls. It leads to the question of: why, are the gods just pedophiles? But alas, for the sake of the story, a young girl was <em>indeed</em> sacrificed to appease an angry god.</p><p></p><div>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>There's a quaint village deep within the mountains of Japan, close to a river where the people get their source of water and fishes. In these times, a source of water is important and as thanks, the people built a Shinto shrine for the river god — which proved to be a good decision because the day it was finished, it was as if the river spat out the fishes. Even when the villagers couldn't offer a lot, it seemed like it didn't matter. The river still provides.</p>
  <p>In this village lives a simple family of three: a father, a mother, and a daughter. The father hunts or fishes, the mother collects herbs and fruits, and the child usually left alone. It wasn't unexpected, then, that the child wanders in the forest or the riverbank. She befriends the spirits with her childish innocence and curiosity. Her parents didn't seem to mind or think that their child is cursed, when most of the villagers fear the girl — Sana, sweet little Sana, who spends her time talking and laughing alone, as if she's playing with someone or <em>something</em> they couldn't see.</p>
  <p>What happens next, too, wasn't unexpected. Fear consumes all of us, makes a monster out of everyone.</p>
  <p>At first, it wasn't personal, really. It was just the way of life. The weather was bad, a storm rolled in and hasn't gone away, and it made hunting or fishing out of the question. The village's food stock was running low and if the weather doesn't clear any time soon, they will run out of it. It wasn't the case for Sana's family, though. The spirits took shelter in the house and with them came a seemingly unlimited supply of food.</p>
  <p>The family helped their neighbors by offering food but greed and fear already took root in the people's hearts — covered by the night they butchered Sana's parents. Out of guilt or shame, they left her, crying and trembling under her mother's bloody figure; the woman's last act of protecting her child.</p>
  <p>The spirits saw everything, while most of them felt pity for their human friend, one felt nothing but rage. This spirit is the river god. And so, she raged and raged, raised the river until it swallowed the bank and the villagers could do nothing but leave their homes and trek to higher grounds. In a fit of misplaced atonement, a man takes Sana with them.</p>
  <p>The river continues to rise and the rain falls harder. Humans when backed in a corner, as proven again and again, do nothing but stupid things. They have decided to appease the god by making a human sacrifice. And what is better to sacrifice than an innocent child? Even so, no one wanted to be parted with their child; and so, it was decided that the newly orphaned Sana can be <em>it</em> — the village chief drags Sana at the edge, saying, "your parents would be proud." He throws her off the cliff.</p>
  <p>Momo was too dumbfounded to react on time, and by the time she has snapped out of it, Sana was already swallowed down by her river.</p>
  <p>She lets her river swell and drag the villagers down on a watery grave.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>It took a few hours for the river to get back to normal and for Momo to search for her friend. She found her body in the river bank, surrounded by spirits, wailing and crying, for their human friend is dead.</p>
  <p>Momo makes up her mind to bring Sana back — she picks up her body and walks to the middle of the river, kisses her forehead and submerges her in the water. Sana's mortal body floats away and her spirit remains by Momo's side, tethered to the god's hand holding her own.</p>
  <p>Sana becomes the bride of the mountain river god, her spirit friend, Momo.</p>
  <p>It was apparent, when the storm passed on with the village all but wiped out of the mountain, that Sana had forgotten about her mortal life, had forgotten <em>everything</em>. Sana's eyes are dull and lifeless — not a single speck of the brightness Momo had come to be fond of can be seen — she stares at nothing and doesn't speak. She only <em>follows</em>. Where Momo goes, Sana follows. The days pass like this, turning into months, years, then decades. Momo and the spirits take care of Sana, and it's okay; Momo will wait.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>When Sana wakes up, she was laying down on the stairs under a <em>torii </em>gate of a Shinto shrine. It was spring, the birds were chirping and the forest is vibrant with colors. Around her, the spirits are milling about, they look solid and defined, like she could touch them if she wanted. Sana, still as curious as she was when alive, sticks her hand in the body of one. It passes through, but not through air — Sana's hand passes through the spirits body, which seems like a black slime by the feel of it. The spirit locks eyes with Sana and they both let out an ear-piercing scream that echoes throughout the mountain. The black slime-like spirit faints. Sana runs.</p>
  <p>Sana dashes through the forest unimpeded, as if her body had the forest floor memorized. She passes through thick trees when she hears a small voice in the distance, getting louder, and then she hears it loud and clear, "Where are you going?!" Sana just runs faster, adrenaline pumping in her veins. But before she could get far, she was tackled down and both her and her attacker stumbled down the mountain and into the cold river water.</p>
  <p>"Sana, where are you going?" a soft voice calls out to her. Sana looks up and she's met with a girl, maybe around the same age as her, but she knows the girl is also a spirit, who then could be either 14 or thousands of years old. The girl looks familiar, wearing a dark blue <em>jinbei</em> and a wooden pair of <em>geta</em>, short black hair reaching her shoulders, and full frontal fringe.</p>
  <p>The girl helps her up and fusses over her, fixes her peach-colored <em>jinbei,</em> and hands her a pair of <em>geta.</em> Sana looks up at her outstretched hand, "Come, Sana, let's go home."</p>
  <p>Sana still doesn't know who the girl is but when she holds her hand and follows her to wherever 'home' is, she feels the tension bleed out of her limbs, her body relaxes and melts into the warmth of this girl leading her along the rocky bank of the river.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>'Home' is a simple one-storey house situated on a cliff — a wooden door opens to a kitchen with a floor of <em>doma;</em> to the left is an open sitting room with tatami mats overlooking the river and mountain; a bamboo straw chest and small cabinet with rolled up <em>futons</em> and cushions on the side. Standing in the middle is the strange girl, looking at Sana with a puzzled expression on her face. "Sana, what's wrong? Do you feel unwell? You've been wandering in the forest every night now, you must be tired. Sit, it's almost sundown. You like watching it, right?"</p>
  <p>Tears are suddenly welling up in Sana's eyes, unbidden, and she's left struggling to stop them from coming. She feels ashamed, like a burden or a bother — it's twisting up her insides and she has this sudden urge to beg for forgiveness. She hiccups through her apology and the spirit tugs her inside the room, sits her down on the <em>engawa,</em> and rubs her back. The sun kisses the edges of the tree lines, soaking them and their surroundings in an orange glow.</p>
  <p>It was nighttime by the time Sana stirs awake, she's laying her head down on the girl's lap and feels fingers carding through her hair softly. She looks up at the girl's features, bathed by moonlight, and she remembers.</p>
  <p>"Momo," Sana says, "Momo."</p>
  <p>It feels like coming home after a long day.</p>
  <p>It feels like the first breath after staying in the water for too long.</p>
  <p>"Momo," she's crying again, but this time, her heart is at ease. Sana reaches out to touch Momo's cheeks, tentative and reverent.</p>
  <p>"My friend," Momo replies in greeting, hand over Sana's cupping her face, "it has been too long."</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Her memories are murky, blurry in the edges, like wisps of smoke that she can't grasp. All that Sana could remember was, she once had a father and a mother, a loving family. If she focuses hard enough, she could feel them wrapping her in an embrace, but not their faces or voices. It was okay, though. She knows they are dead, and that she is, too.</p>
  <p>And so, Momo tells her about her life as a human, her last moments, and what she has been up to as a spirit for almost half a century — spirit Sana doing stupid things and being a general nuisance to Momo, to which the river god waves her concerns and apologies away. Sana, apparently, has been the source of entertainment for the non-human dwellers the mountain.</p>
  <p>Momo tells her all about this but doesn’t bring up why Sana was given a second chance in life. It's fine, though. Sana is just happy to continue existing.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Sana adapts a routine of exploring the forest and helping Momo in her job, and sometimes she goes to visit the various shrines dotting the mountain. It's been months since she 'woke up' and even though the spirits have been helping her get accustomed to her life, she still struggles. Momo was always there to rescue her, quite literally — when she gets stuck in a tree or a branch, or when she forgets to materialize her feet and ends up trapping her lower limbs underground.</p>
  <p>Day by day, she regains her memories; of her time playing with the spirits, but nothing about her life in the village. The only constant thing was Momo, appearing like a child just like her, wearing her dark blue <em>jinbei,</em> spending the day with her. Before long, Sana could paint the full picture of her days with Momo.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>The first time Momo saw Sana, the girl was three, playing on the river while her mother was fetching water, and a <em>kappa</em> was hiding behind a large rock, waiting to drag the little girl into the river. God or not, Momo doesn't have any plans of intervening; it's just the way of life, if anything, it was the mother's fault for not paying attention. Before Momo could turn away and let nature take its course, the child noticed the <em>kappa</em>, wobbled to its hiding spot, pulled on its hair until it bent down and spilled the water contained in its <em>sara</em> — rendering it unable to move.</p>
  <p>And Momo bursts out laughing, <em>'A mere child, defeating a</em> kappa.<em> Unbelievable.'</em></p>
  <p>She refills its <em>sara</em> while the girl watched with a curious glint in her eyes.</p>
  <p>"Friends?" the child asks, looking at the <em>kappa</em> and Momo.</p>
  <p>The river god just chuckles and nods, patting the little girl's head, bestowing her blessing and protection, "Yes, friends."</p>
  <p>Sana becomes the first human to bear the river god's favor as evidenced by the character for 'river' tattooed on her nape, invisible to the human eye but glowing, loud and clear, to non-humans.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Sana has gotten more or less accustomed to her new life as a river spirit; knowledgeable and strong enough to protect it. She believes she doesn't have to, considering the mountain itself is at peace and Momo is still strong and healthy and <em>here,</em> with her.</p>
  <p>The river god has been teaching her how to shift her appearance for a few weeks now — out of exasperation, because Sana had whined about being tired of her child-like appearance. She was practicing by herself when somehow, she had shifted into a very old lady and can't shift back. Her back bowed, skin wrinkly, and hanging loose.</p>
  <p>Momo finds her sitting on the <em>engawa</em> and bursts out laughing once Sana finishes explaining what happened. Sana huffs, crosses her arms, and pouts. And Momo is overcome with fondness over this ridiculous girl and her ridiculous pout and the way it makes her feel.</p>
  <p>"I'm sorry for laughing," says Momo, patting Sana's head and leans down so she could see she's being sincere, despite laughter still coloring her tone.</p>
  <p>"Shift me back, please? My back hurts."</p>
  <p>"Stop pouting, Sana-<em>obaasan.</em> A grandma doesn't pout."</p>
  <p>"You're so mean, Momo-<em>rin</em>."</p>
  <p>Momo rests her forehead on top of Sana's head and the girl wraps her arms on her waist. With a flash of light, Sana is back to normal.</p>
  <p>"There you go, good as new."</p>
  <p>"Thank you very much," Sana says, muffling her words on Momo's shirt, then starts giggling.</p>
  <p>The river god joins in, their hearts filling up with laughter. Days with Sana by her side or waiting for her are Momo's favorite. She can't remember how she had lived thousands of years without Sana.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Sana masters shifting and makes it a habit to change her appearance to that of animals, trying to see the world in their perspectives, but has settled on an adult woman's body that has black, flowing locks. Momo followed suit, returning to the body she used before Sana — a well-built woman with long, black straight hair, cheek-length sidelocks, and full fringes.</p>
  <p>Sana was exploring the other side of the mountain as a stag with large antlers, when she saw Momo walking with a woman with tanned skin and brown hair reaching her waist. There's a spark of <em>something</em> when she saw the woman put her arms over Momo's shoulders. It's a new feeling; something that Sana has never experienced before, it burrows inside her gut, like a worm digging deeper under the ground. And Sana knows she doesn't like it. It's ugly and it leaves a bitter taste in her tongue.</p>
  <p>She gallops back to the opposite side, farther away from Momo and the other woman. As if doing so would make her feel better; and at that time, Sana really did think so. Her mind is a mess, she's confused. In all of her short mortal life and decades as a river spirit, it has always been her and the river god, just Sana and Momo. There was no one else, nothing else. Just the two of them. Now there <em>is</em> someone, Momo has someone else and all Sana has is Momo and she was okay with that, okay with being reincarnated as a spirit without her permission, she was okay with it because she has Momo. Everything is okay as long as she has Momo.</p>
  <p>By the time Sana paid attention to her surroundings, she's lost and the moon is already hung in the sky. She can't feel the river — her and Momo's river. With that, Sana knows she went deeper into the forest than she ever did before. She's starting to get scared, there might be wild beasts lurking about, or hunters. The hooting of owls was not helping to make her calm down. <em>'If only I could feel the river's presence I'd feel more at ease…'</em></p>
  <p>Sana continues walking until she sees a series of lighted <em>tourou</em> leading to a festive-looking shrine; spirit-manned stores are open, spirits are playing the flutes and drums, a shrine-maiden is performing <em>miko mai,</em> and there, seated on a <em>zabuton</em> behind the shrine-maiden was the woman from before — wearing a light green <em>haori</em> with leaf patterns over her white <em>nagagi</em> and brown <em>hakama,</em> a sake cup beside her, very much looking like the god of this shrine. Their eyes meet and Sana bows her head. Even if this woman, this god, introduced bitter feelings in her, Sana knows her place and manners. She stays rooted in her spot, still in her stag form, and shifts her eyes to watch the shrine-maiden instead.</p>
  <p>The shrine-maiden is beautiful and elegant, several moles dotting her face, wearing a white <em>kosode,</em> red <em>hakama,</em> and over it, a white <em>chihaya</em> with pine tree patterns — she's captivating. Even with Sana a few feet away from them, she could feel the god's fondness over her shrine-maiden, it bleeds off her in waves and swirls in the evening air. Proud fondness laced with a gentle sort of possessiveness.</p>
  <p>Sana was about to walk back to the shrine steps and spend the night under a <em>tori</em> gate when someone pokes her rump, making her shift back to her human form in surprise, holding her butt.</p>
  <p>"I'm— I'm so sorry," it's the god, trying very hard and very much failing to smother her laughter. "Oh dear, that was funny. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." She smiles brightly, exudes a kind and warm personality.</p>
  <p>"It's okay." Sana bows, because honestly, she doesn't know what else to do. Momo didn't teach her anything about how to deal with gods other than her, and Momo didn't care for dos and don’ts with acting in front of her.</p>
  <p>"I don't think I've seen you before. You're a new spirit?" she holds Sana's arm and tugs her back to the shrine.</p>
  <p>"I'm Sana, a river spirit, <em>kami-sama."</em></p>
  <p>"Oh? You're Momo's, huh? Some call me the Master of the Mountain, others as Mountain God. You can just call me Jihyo. It's almost midnight, though, and you're far away from your river, Sana. Stay the night. Momo's sure to come find you in the morning. She's known for not mingling with humans and for you to be favored by her means you're quite special. She'll be angry with me if I let you wander through the forest so far from her."</p>
  <p>"Um. Thank you, Jihyo-<em>sama</em>."</p>
  <p>"Anything of Momo's is welcome here, of course. I owe her that much since she looked after my mountain for me while I was away."</p>
  <p>"Jihyo-<em>sama</em>," a curt voice interrupts them. They turn to look at the shrine-maiden, now without her <em>chihaya</em>.</p>
  <p>"Mina." Jihyo answers, voice devoid of the fondness Sana still feels from the god.</p>
  <p>Mina glares at Sana, eyeing the hold Jihyo has on her arm, then sighs in defeat, her countenance losing its edge.</p>
  <p>Jihyo chuckles and sports a smug smirk.</p>
  <p>"You're home for one night, already drunk, and flirting with someone else. I ought to quit and find another shrine to serve."</p>
  <p>Jihyo's smug look quickly melts away into panic and it would be comical if Sana knew what was happening, but right now, she's utterly confused and misses Momo terribly.</p>
  <p>"You will do nothing of the sort," Jihyo says, indignant. She lets go of Sana's arm and stomps her foot, like a petulant child.</p>
  <p>The shrine-maiden looks at Sana and bows deeply, "I'm sorry for her, Sana-<em>san</em>. I hope she did not offend you in any way."</p>
  <p>Sana bows in return, "Jihyo-<em>sama </em>was just inviting me to stay until I could go back. I'll be in your care, Mina-<em>san</em>, Jihyo-<em>sama</em>."</p>
  <p>"Let's rest for the night, then. Right, Jihyo-<em>sama</em>?"</p>
  <p>Mina leads them inside the shrine. She helps Sana settle in one of the rooms, but not before helping Jihyo while Sana stands awkwardly, fully hearing their flirtatious banter.</p>
  <p>Once left alone, Sana contemplates her day. She concludes that what she felt when she saw Momo and Jihyo together was <em>not</em> jealousy, and even if it was, seeing Jihyo with Mina, she knows now that it would be unfounded. Then, if it was not jealousy, what was it?</p>
  <p>For almost a hundred years, Sana's world has been shaped into Momo's form. Every beginning she had known, the river god was there; in her earliest memory as a child, in her first memory as a spirit. In the ending Sana has experienced, Momo was there as well. When the chief threw her off the cliff, Sana was submerged in Momo's river, she died in it, drowned in it; Sana felt Momo's anger with the harsh waves of the river, in the way the water rampaged; but at the same time, Sana felt calm, even as her body was thrown around and her head hit a rock and she breathed lungfuls of water, Sana felt at ease — this anger was for her and dying from it is more than fine. Has Sana ever existed without Momo? And if she did, what was it like?</p>
  <p>Sana knows that Momo has been around for thousands of years. She also knows that in those years, Momo made connections. With humans, with her fellow gods. She knows that very well. Even if Momo has spent these last decades with only her as a companion. She knew, but why is she feeling like this?</p>
  <p>Feeling like Momo will leave her. Feeling scared that when she wakes up tomorrow, she will be somewhere else, somewhere not <em>here,</em> in this mountain, in this river. Somewhere with Momo nowhere to be found.</p>
  <p>Because the Master of the Mountain is back home, other deities and spirits will surely visit. And Momo will see her fellow gods, her kin, her friends. Momo will no longer be the lone god in this place. Momo will no longer need Sana to stave off her loneliness. Sana, with her boundless energy and need for affection; Sana, who takes a while to properly learn Momo's teachings. Clumsy Sana and her penchant of getting into trouble. If Momo no longer needs her, then what will be of Sana?</p>
  <p>And there it is. The ugly feeling, the bitter taste in her mouth, all laid out in front of her. Sana is terrified of getting left behind by Momo, of being <em>alone</em> and nowhere to belong. She only spent a few hours alive without her parents, but the fear that gripped her heart in those moments, they stayed rooted in the deepest parts of her heart. Festering and unnoticed. Until now, when the possibility of having no one exists.</p>
  <p>Sana falls asleep with thoughts of Momo leaving her. She dreams of seeing Momo's back getting farther and farther away. No matter what she does, as she runs and shifts to animals, she couldn't catch up. Momo is leaving.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Sana wakes up with an outstretched hand and her body drenched in sweat. She cleans the room and goes out to wash off the traces of her tears, then walks to the front of the shrine. In there, she sees Mina sweeping and Jihyo seating on her <em>zabuton</em> and drinking tea. They look happy, and Sana supposes they are. She could feel it in the air, could see it in their actions, could hear it over their comfortable silence.</p>
  <p>"You look like a mess, Sana-<em>san</em>."</p>
  <p>"I feel like a mess," Sana quips, still sleep-drunk and exhausted that she forgot who she was talking to. It didn't take long for her to realize her blunder and she was ready to kneel on the floor and beg for forgiveness when she hears the god and shrine-maiden laugh heartily. Instead, she pouts and makes her way to Jihyo and sits beside her, "I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep well."</p>
  <p>"We could see that," Mina says, "help yourself with breakfast."</p>
  <p>Sana pours herself a cup of tea and cracks open an egg on top of her plain rice with soy sauce and salt, "thank you for the meal." As she digs in, she remembers it was Momo's turn to make dinner last night, then wonders if Momo thought of her and made her share; if Momo misses her as much as Sana does, if Momo worries about her, if Momo looks for her.</p>
  <p>Sana doesn't know if she wants those questions answered.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Sana spends the day helping Mina prepare for the festivities in the evening. An excuse so she could stay longer and not confront Momo about her sudden disappearance the night before. It was poorly made and not something Sana is proud of doing. But the thought of Momo confirming her fears… it was something that truly scares her. So, when Momo walked the steps to the shrine, Sana was frozen in fear and embarrassment.</p>
  <p>"What made you want to quit being my river's spirit, Sana-<em>san</em>?"</p>
  <p>Sana didn't know what to say, what to do. On one hand, she wants to prostrate herself and beg Momo not to leave her; on the other, she wants to run and hide, never show her face to Momo ever again. The only thing Sana is sure of, though, is that she missed Momo terribly.</p>
  <p>"You're even wearing a shrine-maiden's clothes," Momo sighs and mumbles, but loud enough that Sana could still hear her, "Jihyo's back for one day and she's already out here stealing spirits for her shrine."</p>
  <p>It was Momo's gentle voice maybe, or her calm demeanor, or her joking about the situation, or maybe it was just Momo's mere presence that breaks Sana's control over herself. She walks closer to the river god and hugs her tight, burrowing her face on Momo's neck and lets out a sob. When she felt Momo's hands rubbing her back and holding her waist, there's a part of Sana that <em>believes</em> everything will be okay.</p>
  <p>She's inconsolable and incoherent for a few hours, even when Momo took her to one of Jihyo's spare rooms and sat her down on her lap. Sana falls asleep curled against Momo.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>"Momo? Are you he—"</p>
  <p>"Why did you wait until this afternoon to tell me, Jihyo?"</p>
  <p>Jihyo yelps in surprise, "What the hell, Momo. Why are you sulking in this dark room?"</p>
  <p>"I'm feeling quite a bit angry, Jihyo."</p>
  <p>"Alright," Jihyo says, lighting the lamp overhead then sits in the middle of the room. "Lay her down on a <em>futon</em> first."</p>
  <p>Once Momo does as she was told, she takes a seat beside Sana and holds her hand.</p>
  <p>"It was the middle of the night when she got here so I invited her to stay the night. Gave her breakfast and lunch today."</p>
  <p>"Thank you for taking care of Sana. But you're still not answering my question."</p>
  <p>Momo rarely displays jealousy and possessiveness, so for her to even confront Jihyo about it made the mountain god extremely curious.</p>
  <p>"I admit it was an honest mistake on my part. I really missed Mina and wanted to spend more time with her, so I told her that she can put off visiting you until this afternoon."</p>
  <p>And with that, Momo's anger melts and laughter bubbles up her throat.</p>
  <p>"Oh, shut up. You're no better than me."</p>
  <p>"What, I didn't even say anything!"</p>
  <p>"I can see you failing to stop laughing, you know that, right?"</p>
  <p>"If I ever told anyone that the Master of the Mountain is this whipped for her bride, how many of our fellow gods do you think will laugh me out of the room?"</p>
  <p>Jihyo walks toward the sliding door and pokes her head and calls out, "Mina! Momo is being mean to me."</p>
  <p>"I'm sure she is, love. Here, take this tray while I get the tea." Mina kisses her on the cheek before disappearing down the hallway again.</p>
  <p>Jihyo sets down the tray of <em>daifuku,</em> "I can already hear you thinking of a comment and I'd rather not hear it."</p>
  <p>"I don't know why you're so defensive. I think it's really admirable that you're still with your first bride."</p>
  <p>"My first and only bride, you mean. Don't even let Mina hear you joke about it. She's still suspicious of my supposed long list of brides and husbands before her. Even when we've been together for almost half a millennium already." Jihyo grumbles, reminded by her wife's tendency to insinuate about her previous lovers being too many to count. "And besides, you're actually worse than me. Your bride runs away to my shrine for a night and you're marching on my steps ready to declare war."</p>
  <p>Momo releases a deep sigh in between bites of <em>daifuku,</em> "We're not like that. She doesn't know. She was too young when I—"</p>
  <p>"You did <em>what?"</em></p>
  <p>"Momo did what?" Mina repeats when she comes in with a tray containing a <em>tetsubin</em> and cups, and sits beside Jihyo's still astounded form.</p>
  <p>"It's a long story."</p>
  <p>"It's a good thing we have all the time in the world, then."</p>
  <p>"Don't you two have a festival to host in a few hours?"</p>
  <p>"It's a good thing we have about three hours, then." Jihyo corrects herself.</p>
  <p>Momo looks at Sana's sleeping form then to her friends' grim and expectant faces, and decides that she has kept this secret for too long. She knows they won't be satisfied with anything less than the full story and that she could never hide anything to them as they both could sniff out her lies before she could even do so. Momo sighs and starts her story, "The first time I saw her, there was a <em>kappa…"</em></p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>When Sana woke up, she was alone in the room. If not for the warm feeling that stays with her when she was in close proximity to the river or to Momo, she would think that it was just a fever dream. But it doesn't change the fact that Momo was here but now she's not.</p>
  <p>The festivities outside are in full swing when Sana goes out — the stores are open and the spirits are milling about, there's music playing on the side, and sitting in front of the shrine were a few gods with some spirits behind them. Sana sees Momo beside Jihyo, smiling and talking with them. She doesn't want to cause a scene that might embarrass Momo so Sana turns the other way and explores the grounds instead.</p>
  <p>There are some humans mixed in today's crowd, most of them are children and the remaining are adults. It made her remember her days as one, although they were not many. Sana sees a little wide-eyed girl off the side and before she could realize what she was doing, she's already seated in front of the girl, "Good evening."</p>
  <p>"Oh, good evening," the girl bows.</p>
  <p>"What are you doing here?" Sana asks.</p>
  <p>"I followed the floating pretty lights, <em>onee-san."</em></p>
  <p>"They are pretty, aren't they? Do you want to see more?" Sana stands up and wipes her hands on her <em>hakama.</em></p>
  <p>"Can I, really?" The way the little girl looked at Sana made her laugh, it was as if she hung the stars and the moon.</p>
  <p>"Hold my hand so you don't get lost, okay?"</p>
  <p>Humans, in general, can't see nor attend a festival of gods and spirits in the simple reason that humans don't see them. But sometimes, humans who <em>can</em> see them are born and blessed with the opportunity of coming across one. And in which case, they could attend. There are no repercussions; however, once they consume the food not meant for them, these humans become different, more spirit-like in the sense of how they perceive the world.</p>
  <p>Sana knows this. She also had experienced what being different means. And so she's doing her best that the girl would have fun and not make herself any different than she already is. But this kid is really testing her patience.</p>
  <p><em>"Onee-san,</em> I'm hungry."</p>
  <p>"You can't eat the food here, though."</p>
  <p>"But why? Dahyun-<em>chan</em> is hungry."</p>
  <p>"Who's Dahyun-<em>chan</em>?"</p>
  <p>"I'm Dahyun-<em>chan</em>!"</p>
  <p>"Oh, okay, Dahyun-<em>chan</em>. I'm Sana."</p>
  <p>"Sana <em>onee-san,</em> I'm hungry."</p>
  <p>After half an hour of this, Sana gave up. They were eating <em>taiyaki</em> when they came across the stall with festival masks on display. All Dahyun had to do was look at Sana and the next thing the spirit knows, the little girl is picking a <em>kitsune</em> mask for herself and a <em>hyottoko</em> mask for Sana. At first, Sana was affronted by the mask choice for her but in the end, let the child put it on the side of her head.</p>
  <p>She is now carrying Dahyun over her shoulders and follows whichever direction the girl tells her to go. They were on their way to a <em>yakisoba</em> stall when they were interrupted by a tap on her shoulder by someone wearing an <em>okame</em> mask.</p>
  <p>"Hello."</p>
  <p>Even with her voice muffled by the mask, Sana knows it's Momo — from the way the god walked and stood, her hair and posture, her warmth, and the feeling of content and comfort that washes over her whenever Momo is near.</p>
  <p>Dahyun points her finger at Momo and leans down to whisper, "Sana <em>nee-san,</em> she's wearing the <em>okame</em> to your <em>hyottoko</em> mask."</p>
  <p>"Hello, little fox," Momo looks at Dahyun, amusement coloring her voice.</p>
  <p>"Sana <em>nee-san,</em> she's talking to me!"</p>
  <p>Sana laughs, she's still not sure on how to talk to Momo, but Dahyun is making it easier.</p>
  <p>"Hello," she says, Dahyun echoing it, and both bowing in greeting.</p>
  <p>Momo hums, sliding her hand on Sana's, and tugs them to the <em>yakisoba</em> stall. They get food for the three of them and walk to the benches on the side. Dahyun is sitting on Momo's lap, talking about her village while being fed by both women.</p>
  <p>At midnight, they walk Dahyun to the outskirts of her village at the foot of the mountain. Dahyun receives the second blessing of the river god in her left forearm.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>On the way back to their house, the atmosphere is silent and tense. The Sana bubbling with energy and happiness that Momo is familiar with is nowhere to be found. And the Sana she's with right now is too silent, refusing to walk beside her and trailing behind her instead. It's frustrating. Momo knows there's something wrong. And she wants to fix it, but can't because she doesn't know what it is. Everything was fine the morning before she went to meet up with Jihyo, then Sana didn't come home and now they're in this situation.</p>
  <p>Momo wants to beg Sana to tell her what's wrong, so they could do something, <em>anything,</em> about it and go back to the way they have been before.</p>
  <p><em>"She needs to know, Momo,"</em> Mina told her a few hours ago. But how could Momo start confessing her sins and secrets when everything is already crumbling? She's scared, terrified to her bones, of Sana's reaction when she finally knows what she truly is. When Momo admits her selfish actions in the open, will Sana still be proud of calling herself Momo's spirit? Or will she cry in outrage, cursing Momo, and demanding for the river god to pay for her sins? Or will her soul wilt and beg Momo to end her pitiful existence?</p>
  <p>A wicked and terribly selfish part of her hopes that Sana will be okay with it and develop their current platonic relationship. Because Momo knows that Sana loves her the way Momo loves her, she could feel it through their bond. And even without it, Momo is not blind. Sana's love is loud and encompassing; demanding to be noticed, acknowledged, and <em>returned</em>.</p>
  <p>"Momo," Sana says with a voice barely audible and stops in her tracks.</p>
  <p>"Yes, yes, I'm Momo," she says, smiling, trying to lighten the tension between them.</p>
  <p>"I'm sorry."</p>
  <p>The watery smile that graces Sana's face is enough to make Momo forgive her for anything, so she does. Momo takes Sana's hands and kisses her palms, "It's okay. Why did you go to Jihyo's place, though? I mean, I would have taken you there if you told me you wanted to attend her festival."</p>
  <p>"I got lost and they let me stay. I helped around the shrine as thanks for their generosity."</p>
  <p>Momo intertwines their fingers and tucks Sana to her side, "Let's go home?"</p>
  <p>Sana nods against her and hums happily. Momo's aware that Sana is still not being completely honest with her but it's late and they're both tired. Sana <em>will</em> come to her when she's ready. For now, Momo's happy that Sana's here — going home with her.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Everything goes back to normal for the following days. Even though they haven't talked about it. And Momo's fine with it — she trusts Sana, believes in her, respects her pace. Sana will talk to her when she's ready, not a day early or a day late.</p>
  <p>Other than that, what truly eats at Momo is the worry she has over admitting her selfish actions. She's pretending that it doesn't exist, like what she has been doing for over a century now. But with Jihyo and Mina knowing the truth, she can't pretend that she's just delaying the inevitable. And Momo knows secrets have their way of catching up to you, no matter how fast you run. She just didn't know it would come sooner than what she's been hoping for.</p>
  <p>"You're not telling me something," Sana whispers in her ear.</p>
  <p>A shiver runs up her spine and Momo insists it's the fear taking hold of her, nothing else. A voice, suspiciously sounding like Jihyo, mocks her denial.</p>
  <p>Right now, Momo is on a crossroad:</p>
  <p>She could deny and say, <em>"I don't know what you're talking about."</em></p>
  <p>Or, she could deflect and delay it once again, <em>"So are you, Sana."</em></p>
  <p>Or, accept defeat and let the confession and apologies and declarations of love tumble out of her mouth, <em>"I'm sorry, forgive me. I will tell you the truth now. Don't go, don't leave, don't hate me. Stay with me. Love me. I love you."</em></p>
  <p>Before Momo could make up her mind, Sana makes a decision for her. She makes herself comfortable behind Momo, draping her upper body on Momo's back, her legs bracketing Momo's and dangling on the large rock they are sitting on. She filters in the tiny realization that this was where they first met, where the <em>kappa</em> was hiding from, where Sana did something so ridiculously and unwittingly smart that she charmed a river god.</p>
  <p>"It feels like we got cut in all the wrong sides that we don't fit with each other anymore," Sana says, the words being breathed into her nape. "I don't like it."</p>
  <p>Momo sighs and rests herself on Sana's front. The second Sana molded her body against her back, Momo knew there's no way she could escape. This is defeat. She just hopes that Sana will stay, give her a chance to make it up to her.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Sana knows herself better than anyone that is not Momo. She knows Momo better than the god herself; is what she'd like to think. But even with all her naivety and bright disposition, Sana knows that this is not the case. There are things that she's not allowed to know and that's okay — she has long accepted that.</p>
  <p>But there <em>is</em> something that Momo is keeping from her. Sana often has caught the god looking at her with distant eyes, as if Sana reminds her of a past transgression. She never had the courage to address it; always convincing herself that if it truly is something important, then Momo will tell her. Other than those instances where Momo stares at her, Sana's perfectly happy with their relationship.</p>
  <p>Until of course when the time that their days are affected with it has come. It started out small, Momo spacing out more times than before; then it becomes bigger, Momo looking like she would start a serious conversation and chickening out once Sana gives her undivided attention; until it explodes in their faces, Momo seemingly like on the verge of crying whenever Sana so much as breaths in her direction.</p>
  <p>This time, Sana takes the first step, the first plunge. She decides to confront Momo about it. And by confront, Sana means gently coaxing it out of her — Momo can become acerbic and defensive about things that she greatly holds dear.</p>
  <p>Sana gives Momo the first bite, "You're not telling me something."</p>
  <p>When it was obvious that Momo will not take it, Sana lets herself be vulnerable, "It feels like we got cut in all the wrong sides that we don't fit with each other anymore. I don't like it." As a way to reassure both of them, she gets closer to Momo, hugs her, and secures herself to Momo's warmth. It took her a lot of years to realize that her affections are, to an extent, welcome. And with that realization, Sana didn't take long to master what kind of love Momo needs and wants at certain times.</p>
  <p>"Do you know what Mina is to Jihyo?"</p>
  <p>Sana locks her fingers with Momo's and settles them on the latter's lap, "Her shrine-maiden?"</p>
  <p>Momo chuckles lowly, "She is, but she's also more than that. Mina is Jihyo's bride."</p>
  <p>"Like a wife? My mother to my father?"</p>
  <p>"You could say that."</p>
  <p>"<em>Oh.</em> So that was why she was glaring at me when Jihyo-sama was holding my arm." Sana gasps, "Do you think I should apologize to her, Momo-rin? I should, right?"</p>
  <p>"Sana," Momo interrupts her.</p>
  <p>She nuzzles her face on the crook of Momo's neck and hums, "Hm?"</p>
  <p>"You're my bride, Sana."</p>
  <p>Sana had a valid excuse to how she reacted with that; she was content in what their position allows her to do, the warm air made her feel fuzzy, Momo is warm, and she smells really nice. It's all these things that made her reply, "Since when?"</p>
  <p>There was pure silence for a few seconds until her brain could process what Momo had just told her.</p>
  <p>"I'm your bride?" Sana whispers.</p>
  <p>"Mhm," Momo nods, making Sana's head bounce from the action.</p>
  <p>Sana giggles, unadulterated happiness coursing through her veins, "I love you, Momo, and I know you love me, too. But are you not skipping a lot of steps with this?" She tightens her hold and husks against Momo's neck, "I'm not an easy woman, you know?"</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>This, this is the part where Momo knew, where the daunting realization that she truly, honestly, completely fucked it up. And she has no one else to blame but herself.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>"Momo?"</p>
  <p>"I'm sorry. I'm really, very sorry, Sa-<em>tan</em>."</p>
  <p>Sana is not dumb — she may be clumsy, but she's not dumb. Having the woman you love cry in your arms after talking about you being her bride doesn't really bode well.</p>
  <p>"I don't understand. What's wrong?"</p>
  <p>Sana wants to pull away, create a distance between them. This is new and confusing and it's starting to scare her. There's a feeling gnawing at her gut; a voice echoing in her heart, screaming until its hoarse: <em>"this is the point of no return."</em></p>
  <p>"I was selfish. I'm still selfish." Momo hiccups, she's heaving and stuttering, "And I'm sorry for it, but at the same time, I'm really not sorry. Not at all."</p>
  <p>Sana loosens her grip on Momo's hands and the river god tightens her hold, pulling closer.</p>
  <p>"I was too selfish to let you go, too angry to think clearly then. I used to tell myself that it was just my pride and selfish arrogance, my anger, that I let myself bring you back. I excused my actions by saying you were too young to die, that you deserve to live a long, full life. I made all these excuses for myself, so I could sleep better, be able to live with you in peace without doubts and insecurities plaguing my mind." Momo laughs, the empty sound lost to the darkening skies. "But it wasn't the case. I have robbed you of your rest. And I wasn't ever able to swallow down my pride to come clean."</p>
  <p>Sana finds herself unable to say anything. Just a few minutes ago, she felt like she was soaring through clouds. But right now all she's feeling is dread, as if she's waiting for the stone to drop — with how Momo reacted though, Sana thinks it's not just a stone, it's probably a whole mountain dropping.</p>
  <p>"Sana, my friend, my bride, gods are not all-powerful. We're just as bound to the world like humans are. We can't bring someone back from the dead with a snap of our fingers or with a ritual." Momo says, unfeeling, because this is nothing. Just a simple fact that gods have learned to live with. "What we are allowed, though, is to have someone beside us for eternity. The universe gave us this, because it knows loneliness. And maybe because some of the older gods left their duties to follow their lovers to the underworld."</p>
  <p>Sana allows herself to smile at that, she could relate. Loneliness is such a terrifying feeling.</p>
  <p>"So, if a god's lover is human, they can be brought back as the god's bride or husband."</p>
  <p>"That," Sana starts, "that doesn't sound bad?"</p>
  <p>Momo smiles, Sana really is a gift, too pure and bright. It alleviates some of her anxieties but she knows not to hope for the best. This is not her sin. "It requires two things: mutual love and consent. You always told me you love me, back when you were just a child." A bittersweet longing arrests her heart, making her sigh — like the swish of an arrow let loose, the prelude to tragedy. "But you were already dead when I found your body. You couldn't give me consent, that's why you were unresponsive in the 40 or so years after. There was no guarantee that you would come back. And if Jihyo was here then, she would have probably killed you herself. Because in those years, you were neither alive nor dead. It would have been the merciful thing to do."</p>
  <p>Momo has stopped crying by now, her voice is hoarse, and it's like all the fight has left her body.</p>
  <p>"I'm not gonna lie, there were times when I thought I should let you rest. But as I have said, I am selfish and prideful. I don't want to be parted with you and I'm too stubborn to admit to myself that I shouldn't have done it in the first place."</p>
  <p>"You waited for me?"</p>
  <p>"I did," Momo answers, quick and firm — because it's the truth. "40 years is nothing, Sana. I could wait a hundred more, just so I could be with you again."</p>
  <p>"I love you, Momo. Always. Although I don't think I would have the patience or strength to wait a hundred years, I would wait for you, too." Sana scoots closer to Momo, to the point where she doesn't know where she ends or where Momo starts. It has always been like this for her. Momo was always there.</p>
  <p>But this revelation is like a pebble dropping in the light of Momo's breakdown earlier or to the apprehension persisting in her gut.</p>
  <p>"I love you too, Sana."</p>
  <p>"But…?"</p>
  <p>"But consent is needed because our lover's lose their sense of self, their freedom, and their privacy."</p>
  <p>"What—"</p>
  <p>"I could feel your emotions, could hear your thoughts, could see through your eyes. There is a large part of you that loves me because you're required to. You feel so dedicated to me because you should be. Your whole existence is tied to me; I could decide that you don't have to be here anymore and you would go back to the underworld. When I die, you do, too. Being my bride means you are my extension. You're mine, in the most literal sense of the word, Sana."</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Momo knows this is the part where Sana is at her own set of crossroads. The ugly truth and Momo's sins are now laid out in front of the human girl she had robbed. All because she was feeling lonely and Sana was more than willing to befriend her and spend time with her.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>When Sana pulled her hands back, stood up, and walked away, it felt like Momo knew it was coming. Sana would have barked out a scathing laugh at that if she doesn't feel so many emotions all at once — clamoring for her attention, warring against each other, to be the emotion Sana wears in her face and in her heart.</p>
  <p>She walks aimlessly, away from the river, from Momo. Momo and her lies and betrayal. There is bile rising in Sana's throat. She wants to let it out — it would be the proper thing to do. But then she's reminded of Momo's confession.</p>
  <p>Sana swallows it down, as a small act of rebellion. It was not mentioned but there is a feeling that tells her she feels sick to her stomach not just because of this secret, but because her body doesn't understand why she's rejecting its existence.</p>
  <p>Everything she feels and had felt, every thought that passed through her mind, every decision made by her heart — they all feel like a sham.</p>
  <p>Momo knew her better than herself because she <em>does</em>. It was not something cosmic nor a miracle. They fit like puzzle pieces because she was remade to compliment all of Momo's sides. Sana's world was cut into Momo's shape because Momo decided it should be.</p>
  <p>Sana feels so much, there is a constant ringing in her ears, and her mind latches onto every thought. Her mind and heart are in chaos. Sana takes a sick sense of comfort at this, knowing that Momo also feels overwhelmed, that Momo can hear her the loud buzzing of her thoughts.</p>
  <p>She finds herself in front of the mountain god's shrine.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A very belated happy samo month.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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